Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
