I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
