Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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