I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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