I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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