I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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