i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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