you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
