we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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