You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
