my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
