So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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