Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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