Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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