the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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