he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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