he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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