Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
