Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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