I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
