i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
