its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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