Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize