I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
