I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
