Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
