I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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