I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
