i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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