Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
