We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
