Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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