i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
