you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
