Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
