the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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