So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
