They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
