i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im holly from the hills drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my shit smells like andre
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
