I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
