Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
two words: eviction party
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
