I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
