The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
