you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
