You're my little dorito
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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