You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
