It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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