I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
