My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
