No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
