I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
