We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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