That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
