Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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