I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sext me about skeletons
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
