Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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