Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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