but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
