I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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