Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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