on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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