I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
