Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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