sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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