She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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