Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
