He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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