the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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