it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
