no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
